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Joke of the Day

"What kind of liquid does a pig's printer use? oink"

"[hospital] ""I'm afraid it's bad news. Your husband will never walk again"" ""Oh God, he's paralysed?"" ""No, someone's bought him rollerblades"""

"Sensible dad: I'd like to buy 3 'fleeks' & 7 'swags' for my son. ""Sir this is Urban Outfitters"" Do you have any 'baes'? ""Please leave"""

"What do they call the Hunger Games in France? Battle Royale with Cheese."

"Black person: Jeans $200, Shirt $100, Shoes $160, pockets.. $0 White Person: Jeans $15, Shirt $20, Shoes $30, pockets $5,000"

"I crashed my family's car I've always wanted to see how a Mercedes-Benz."

"I know a great US Postal Service Joke... ...but you'll never get it."

"Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: Know why I pulled u over C: Stop that M: Stop that C: Wanna go to jail? M: Wanna go to jail? C: No.. errr"

"10,000 years from now people will probably be incredibly confused why they keep digging up dog shits perfectly preserved in plastic bags."

"[Bad joke] The other day my sister asked me what the difference between cellular division and a sock is To which I replied 'Nothing, they both involve mitosis'"