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Joke of the Day

"""Call your blonde friend, your black friend & your Asian friend!"" - every cellphone ad ever"

"Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter? Because they take a fence to that."

"If all the corner pieces of a cake are gone, I calmly pull the emergency icing out of my purse & frost the edges of an inside piece."

"Why did Michael Sam, the first openly gay NFL player, say he doesn't shop at Sports Authority? Because he prefers Dick's."

"I've got a ""bun"" (baby) in the ""oven"" (oven)!"

"I have, a really beautiful body under my floor boards"

"How do you kill a troll? With a firewall spell."

"How are a 9-volt battery and a girl's asshole similar? Even though you know you shouldn't you lick it anyway."

"Meanwhile in Soviet Russia... A bar walks into a horse."

"6 year old: daddy look we've had a whirlpool in our house this whole time! Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet"