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Joke of the Day
"I can speak any language. I just don't understand what I'm saying in anything but english."
Next Joke
"Sorry sweetie, but no. Alcohol is not an excuse for being a dirty slut. Nice try though."
"In which fairy tale does a man kick another man in the balls, only to discover that his victim is actually a woman? Boot in Puss"
"Whats the difference between a mosquito & a hot blonde chick? A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it"
"Dude, the fact that I called YOU to bail me out of jail is quite the compliment, so let's dial back that ""It's 4 am!"" attitude, mmkay?"
"ME: woud u be open to adoption? HUSBAND: yes [later, at the adoption agency] ME: yes hi, i'd like to put my husband up for adoption"
"My resolution this year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos."
"What do you call the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch voting? Counting Crows"
"What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr. Day and St. Patricks Day? Everyone want to be Irish on St. Patricks Day."
"What did Marvin Gaye's dad say to him on his birthday? Son, if this is another tie, I'm gonna kill you."