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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr. Day and St. Patricks Day? Everyone want to be Irish on St. Patricks Day."

"Why is Boromir such a hit at orgies? Because when he blows his horn everyone comes ;)"

"The secret to success is to surround yourself with people that don't know you."

"""Your finest Scotch, please."" ""Yes, sir,"" the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape."

"Abraham Lincoln. The reason I now have to hire a dishwasher instead of buying one."

"A load of geese caused a massive pile up on my way to work, What a bunch of flocking idiots."

"Why did the monk hate the musician because he hated violins I made this up just now"

"The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone"

"Who's this Rorschach dude? And why is he so good at drawing pictures of my mom beating me?"

"Nuclear winter ""What are you going to do if a nuclear winter comes?"" ""Throw snowballs."" ""Nuclear!"" ""With my tentacles!"""