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Joke of the Day

"You couldn't even imagine how good I am at taking a fake phone call to get out of a boring conversation. It's Oscar worthy."

"That Schrodinger guy used to throw some great parties... ... about half the time."

"My wife just accused me of being big-headed and thinking I was better than I was. I nearly fell off my throne."

"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was too tired..."

"What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA? Well, kicked out of the zoo for starters."

"Did you hear how they caught the guy who burgled Will Smith's house? Fresh prints"

"Teacher: Why are you Late Today? Student: Because of sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Student: The sign said, ""School Ahead, Go Slow!"""

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel around his waist... Bartender says ""Hey man, you have a steering wheel around your waist!? The Pirate replies ""Yeah I know... It's drivin me nuts!""."

"What do you call an Italian with erectile dysfunction? Floppy Giuseppe"

"the series finale of Game of Thrones will be the camera pulling back & revealing it was a snowglobe and the owner is watching sports instead"