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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I called you a drunk, but in my defense, I didn't think you'd remember."

"just said ""Deep Homo"" by accident instead of ""Home Depot"" & am tryingnto laugh it off oops they're watching me tweet now gotta go"

"What monsters are all the tools in the toolbox afraid of? Vampliers"

"I had sex with an escort once but it went horribly wrong. I burned my dick in the exhaust pipe."

"Sundays always bring out my inner senior citizen...."

"I've always wanted to be an organ trader But I didn't have the stomach for it."

"I'm dyslexic and wanted to write Santa But Satan showed up."

"The best pickup line I have a weapon in my pants. It's so strong it could destroy Uranus."

"Girl was towelling her wet pussy, she enjoyed it and started rubbing it vigorously... Until the pussy cried MEOW and ran away. Always be kind to animals..!!"

"Quitting smoking is a lot like getting out of a relationship. It's a sad and slow realization of all of the things that you used to like to do it after."