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Joke of the Day

"The best pickup line I have a weapon in my pants. It's so strong it could destroy Uranus."

"When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can't get any worse, please remember...I don't give a shit."

"What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken ? Enough drumsticks to feed an army !"

"No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs."

"Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft? At parking meteors."

"Kid: Mommy, can we get a pineapple? Mom: No, sweetie. I don't know how to cut them. Kid: I know Mommy! You use a knife."

"I Bought Some Shoes From a Drug Dealer I don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day."

"What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis"

"If you still have a landline, I assume you also own a butter churn and ride a dinosaur to work."

"Why did the skull win 1st place in the race? Because he ran ahead."