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Joke of the Day
"What monsters are all the tools in the toolbox afraid of? Vampliers"
Next Joke
"How many Vietnam vets does it take the screw in a light bulb? THAT'S RIGHT!!! YOU DON'T KNOW; BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!"
"I was telling a great joke about the importance of the guillotine in the French Revolution... But it didn't really land. I guess execution really is key"
"By tomorrow night America will be in a turkey induced coma. On Friday...Canada attacks."
"A psychic sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He says ""You're about to jump from Empire State Building tomorrow."""
"Eventually we're just gonna have to accept ""ducking"" as a swear word"
"I think, therefore I'm single."
"if i'm bleeding out in an alley & you approach me w/an app that would save me, but i'd have to login using facebook, i'd be fine w/just dyin"
"Guy asked me where I got my green eyes. Great! Now I have to explain what the Vikings did when they got to Sicily."
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, said Papa Bear. Someone's been sleeping in MY bed, said Mama. Why don't u share a bed?! cried Baby Bear."