196774

Joke of the Day

"just said ""Deep Homo"" by accident instead of ""Home Depot"" & am tryingnto laugh it off oops they're watching me tweet now gotta go"

"Me : It's over & nothing you say will make me change my mind Him : 'I just ordered a large thin crust' Me : Be there in 10 min"

"Statistics show that 1 in 20 of us live next door to a paedo... ...not me though, I live next door to two stunning 8 year olds."

"Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets."

"Why are Jewish people so smart? Because they have spent so much time concentrating."

"Avoided a copay by having my annual physical at Antiques Roadshow. Clean bill of health, plus I found out I'm worth $150."

"It's so freeing to be single again because now I can finally catch up on all the things I've been meaning to do like being really lonely."

"What happened when porky pig fell asleep at his construction job? The foreman fired him, saying, 'We can't have bored boars boring boards.'"

"Why is Santa's sack so big? .... he only comes once a year."

"I think your first love holds the biggest piece of your heart because they made the first cut."