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Joke of the Day

"What did the drunk egg say? O'm lit!"

"Freddy thought he was the true nightmare until he met Chuck Norris who roundhouse kicked and from that day Freddy hides in fear thinking a nightmare in texas"

"I heard that you only use like 10% of your brain. That leaves what, 82-83%?"

"Don't cry over spilled milk. And broken eggs. And a violated ham. And-FINE, I'LL LEAVE. This isn't the only grocery store in town, you know."

"(God creating coyotes) God: Make them look like dogs. Angel: Exactly like dogs? God: But with a meth problem."

"What is a catchy Girl's name? Answer: Annette"

"Pretty sure most of the people in coffee shops on lap tops are just writing letters to their parents asking if they can move back home."

"I don't wish anybody dead, but a well placed nasty rash on you would kind of make my day."

"what idiot caled it ""king arthur adn the knigts of the roumd table"" insted of a ""circumference sir conference"""

"*opens up briefcase in court, revealing snakes* ""Wait. Then that means-"" [cut to my nemesis waking up surrounded by my opening statement]"