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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Irish woman only put 239 beans into her bean soup? Because 1 more would have been 240..."

"A zombie walks into a bar and the bartender says... ""Get a life."""

"First time posting here. I always found this f$%#ed up, but hilarious. Q: Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars? A: She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there? Me: Not Lucy."

"Her: what's your favorite thing about our date tonight? Me: that it's almost over"

"I always bring 2 pop tarts to work, so I can eat one now and the other one also now."

"My kids outgoing voice mail message says,,"" I'm sorry I won't come to the phone right now. It's 2012. LEARN TO TEXT."""

"Bad News I heard that the Italian Government is joining forces with ISIS thus changing their name to Italian ISIS Tommy G"

"Woman's world cup- USA vs JAPAN who gives a fuck..."

"Text response from a confused carcass: I decay."

"'Please, I need this', I whisper as I try to steal a baby goat from the petting zoo."