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Joke of the Day

"My kids outgoing voice mail message says,,"" I'm sorry I won't come to the phone right now. It's 2012. LEARN TO TEXT."""

"I'll see your Limerick. . I was driving along in my Bentley, tossing off ever so gently I hit a bump in the road and I shot my load not on purpose, but quite accidently!"

"Congratulations on being hired by Super Cuts & welcome to day 1 training. Let's get started These are called scissors *collective aww*"

"[taking a picture] Me: ""Make love to the camera!"" Grandma: ""Don't make this weird, dear."""

"A drunk man's reasoning; ""What the hell, she's only ugly in the face"""

"""Sorry I didn't have a chance to clean up the place,"" I say as I wave dismissively at the chalk outline drawn on the living room floor."

"Did anyone see the original joke posted on this sub today? Neither did I."

"An app.. An app that reminds you, no matter how ugly you are.. someone far far away wants to bang you. -Twitters new slogan"

"Are iPads supposed to be red with two white knobs on the bottom?"

"What did the Jewish baby say to the Rabbi? Keep the tip."