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Joke of the Day

"Latvian Christmas Christmas Eve father ask son what want christmas. Son say potato. Father say ""Ok. Santa bring potato."" Next day boy is learn Santa no exist."

"Why are Indians the best pizza makers? Because they always do the kneedful."

"Surgeon: I need someone to unroll this bandage, stat! Cat nurse, excitedly: I've got this."

"I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers"

"Why couldn't Princess Leia find love? She was looking in Alderaan places."

"If God wanted to impress me with his 'miracles' he would've impregnated Joesph, not a poor unwed teenage girl. That shit happens every day."

"In grammar school, most unplanned pregnancies happen early on ...before anyone knows how to use the colon."

"Daylight Saving Time starts this evening, turn your clocks forward and change smoke alarm batteries before going to bed tonight."

"DJ Khaled has just declined a role in his upcoming biopic. When asked about his decision, he was quoted to have said ""never play yourself."""

"The Earth is roughly 70% water and 30% haters"