8653

Joke of the Day

"I don't have a swimmer's body. I have more of a drowning to death body. #Olympics"

"What do you do if you fiend King Kong in the kitchen? Just don't monkey with him."

"Chinese takeout Chinese food to go $15. Gas to go pick it up $1.50. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of my containers.... Riceless."

"Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving? Because they don't like Turkey"

"Gary Johnson Has won the election."

"You've got to really be careful when ingesting shoes... cause they're usually laced"

"I'm pretty sure that the guy who wrote about the Apocalypse was a meteorologist."

"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing! Don't you mean netsurfing? No everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"

"So I was all ""I'm not taking any shit from you, bitch"" and she was all ""to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1""."

"Jokes about nazi concentration camps really offend me My great grandfather died in a holocaust camp. He got really drunk and fell out of a guard tower"