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Joke of the Day

"Me: Show me a pan that didn't get clean the first time and I will show you a pan that needs to soak.. Wife: STOP TWEETING AND WASH THE PAN!"

"Twitter has ruined me. Just wrote ""we'll deliver your load on time"" for a transportation client and broke into peals of laughter."

"What did the Hungarian man say before he went to bed? ""I'm going to bed."" Except he said it in Hungarian."

"What should female robots NOT come standard with. A sound card..."

"People say size doesn't matter... But I'd like her better if she didn't have a dick at all."

"Friend asked me a personal question: Do I ever stick it in my girlfriend's... you know... her other hole? Ew no, she might get pregnant that way."

"When birds fly in V formation why is one side longer than the other? They have more birds on that side. #scienceded"

"what do you call a blonde that dyed her hair brunette. artificial intelligence."

"i dropped a chicken mcnugget and I've been on the floor of mcdonalds sobbing the lyrics to how to save a life by the fray for 2 hours"

"Tolkien once wrote a novel set in an office... It's titled, ""And My Fax""."