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Joke of the Day

"Friend asked me a personal question: Do I ever stick it in my girlfriend's... you know... her other hole? Ew no, she might get pregnant that way."

"Even after 20 years, Jared Fogle is still getting into smaller and smaller jeans."

"What does a girls asshole and a 9v battery have in common? You know it's wrong but eventually you stick your tongue to it."

"The ""walk of shame"" should be going to a bar the next morning after being drunk looking for your lost debit card."

"Having dinner with my phone and some people."

"What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a black man? Someone who steals your job then doesn't show up."

"Ladies ... I will solve the argument of the proper skirt length for you. The proper length is at least 2 inches below your cellulite"

"[me narrating a documentary about grasshoppers] And here we see these little liars hopping on sand."

"I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you'd better do what I meant and not what I said."

"What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth Hurty!"