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Joke of the Day

"if i ever go missing please don't use that photo of me holding a sign that says ""if i ever go missing don't look for me."" thanks"

"Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? A: To make up for a bad summer."

"Adulthood is like the part in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy tries to runaway from her problems, but then SURPRISE, there is also a tornado."

"I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys."

"I'm a recovering alcoholic! :I'm recovering from last night!"

"I went to a bar with my girlfriend last night and people kept calling me a pedophile, just because I'm 53 and she is 22... ...totally ruined our 10th anniversary."

"The problem with getting a BJ from a deaf chick They can still talk while they do it."

"Did you hear that Robin got married? Holy Matrimony, Batman!"

"You shouldn't personify inanimate objects. They hate it when you do that."

"The Westboro Babtist Church is planning to picket Reddit two days after their IAmA. No, seriously. http://www.godhatesfags.com/schedule.html"