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Joke of the Day
"You shouldn't personify inanimate objects. They hate it when you do that."
Next Joke
"Scientists say Spider-Man would not be able to climb vertical surfaces due to his size. It's almost like someone made the whole thing up."
"Just thinking. How many MILF'S are now GrandMILF's?"
"What did the guy who burglarized the German bakers store at Christmas find out. All of his cookies were Stollen."
"White ppl be like ""What's the return policy on this umbrella?"""
"I was asked who my favourite X-men was the other day... Apparently Caitlyn Jenner was inappropriate."
"Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people."
"Obama and Bush walk into a bar... ...Clinton ducked."
"Which burgers are dishonest? Cat-burgers! (burglars)"
"My 4yo brought his Woody doll to the store and was swinging it around. I told him loudly to stop hitting people with his Woody. Parenting."