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Joke of the Day

"The problem with getting a BJ from a deaf chick They can still talk while they do it."

"Girlfriend: Stop lying around on the couch all day. Me: But you said we needed to start conserving energy."

"Daddy long legs are the NBA players of spiders."

"If you tell me I can only have sex with your sister over your dead body, your funeral is going to be awkward for some of your family."

"I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please. Oops. Wrong sub."

"What's Gordon Ramsay's favorite movie? IT'S FUCKING FROZEN"

"Entering Area 51 US soldier: - Sir, this is secret teritory and you don't have permission to... - me - Where the fuck are you running, Pikachu?!"

"If you think grammar isn't important, well, it's."

"Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure."

"What do you get if you type www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.com into your computer? A sore finger."