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Joke of the Day

"A man goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide, the librarian turns around and says ""fuck you, you wont bring it back"""

"Why is it awkward to have sex with Jesus? He keeps saying ""Oooh Dad Ooooh Dad OOOH DAAAAD"""

"Job interview tip: Tell them you're not an applicant, you're an appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against buttock. Make sizzling noise."

"Doctor Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed what can I do? Saw the legs off of your bed!"

"If you don't like my opinion of you improve yourself!"

"A pencil walks into a bar The bartender says, ""We don't serve your type here."" The pencil yells back ""Erasist!"""

"I've heard that 1 in 3 people have a pedophile as a neighbour. But that can't be right because my neighbours are sexy 5 and 7 year olds."

"What kind of khakis do birds wear? Khakaws!"

"We were without phone, TV and internet access for a few hours today. It was terrifying because I almost got some work done."

"Say what you want about deaf people... Am I right!?"