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Joke of the Day

"If you don't like my opinion of you improve yourself!"

"People ask me why I don't have any tattoos. I tell em "" would you put a bumper sticker on your ferrari?"

"Mom called. She was worried. Thought maybe I moved because I haven't answered her email and she wouldn't know the new address to send it to."

"Me: How do you like being an Uber driver. Driver: I don't work for Uber. Me: So, I just willingly climbed into a windowless van, didn't I?"

"When do you kick a midget in the nuts? When he stands next to your girlfriend and says her hair smells nice."

"The Constipated Mathematician What did the constipated mathematician do? He worked it out with a pencil."

"I recently bought some shoes from my drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"When ya leave Twitter it's called twittercide. What about Instagram? Instagramicide? IGicide? Instacide? Gramicide? Instadead? Instagone?"

"What did one saggy boob say to the other? ""We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"""

"What do you call a real old korean? Jurassic Park"