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Joke of the Day

"Say what you want about deaf people... Am I right!?"

"There once was a lady from Madrass... There once was a lady from Madrass Who had a magnificent ass Not pretty and pink as you may think But had long ears and ate grass. Credit: Playboy, circa 1970s"

"A guy goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide The librarian looks at him and says, ""Fuck off, you won't return it!"""

"Accidentally walked into a mosque ""This isn't where I'm supposed to *be headed*"""

"I overheard a gentleman saying he grew up with Drew Brees, and that he wasn't a very nice person... I said, ""Hey! Drew Brees is a *Saint!*"""

"I want to do for the unibrow what Hitler did for the little moustache."

"Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again."

"JUST ONCE MORE! PLEEEEEEASE? I PROMISE THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME! LET ME DO IT AND I'LL NEVER ASK AGAIN! -Liam Neeson pitching ""Taken 3"""

"Bernie Sanders If I had a nickel for every time a redditor posted about something Bernie Sanders, I'd be the kind of person he is always smearing. A BILLIONAIRE!"

"My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement. She wants a huge wedding with 500 guests and a piano player... I want us to see other people."