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Joke of the Day

"Don't forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not"

"Me: I wish Inigo Montoya appeared everytime ""literally"" is misused and did his ""You keep saying that word"" bit Genie: That ones on the house"

"What do you call a Sailor's hitch in the arctic? Knot cool"

"Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?"

"Actually Frankenstein was the name of the scientist. I, the person correcting you on this trivial point, am the monster."

"Funniest joke on wife Always love your mother because you will not get another . . Ok. Agreed! Always love your ~~mother~~ wife even though you will ~~never~~ get another one later.."

"I bought my shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day."

"Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Potential employee: Shape shifting. Interviewer: Really? Interviewer: Yes. Interviewer: Shit."

"What do you call an ant with frog's legs? An antphibian."

"What's the difference between a baby and a kilo of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a kilo of cocaine fall out of a window."