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Joke of the Day

"An unconscious man arrives at a hospital... After a series of x-rays, the radiologist discovered the man had several plastic horses in his anus. The doctors have declared his condition as ""stable."""

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"I thought I kept all my David Fincher DVDs safely, but... I lost The Game."
"The doctor gave me 1 month to live So I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved."
"Fighter plane escorts a passenger jet in to Manchester airport as the pilot reported a suspicious item on board. The United team bringing back a trophy this season."
"It doesn't matter how windy it is or how fast you run, dogs make terrible kites."
"DIET TIP: Always eat smart. Refuse any food that hasn't scored highly on the SATs and been admitted to an Ivy League school."
"In honor of National Limerick day (U.S.) There once was a man from Nantucket Who had a cock so big he could suck it He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin If my ear were a pussy I'd fuck it"
"Me: you like that? *takes out trash* Wife: ooooh Me *starts vacuuming the living room* Wife: oh my god, don't stop"
"Who makes more money: a prostitute or a drug dealer? Depends on who has the best crack."
"So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... Just kidding."