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Joke of the Day

"A man didn't like his haircut But it started to grow on him"

"Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance? Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty."

"What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit? A tortoise."

"Why doesn't Ed have a girlfriend? Cause sheeran"

"*wakes at 3am* *sits in dark* *jingles chains & scratches walls* *waits for everyone to be so creeped out they can't sleep & we open gifts*"

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, I have that vinyl at home."

"Nic Cage was a straight A highschool student but he slacked off one semester. When he got his report card, he shouted ""Bs! Not the Bs!"""

"MAYBE PEACH JUST LIKES BOWSER A LOT AND WE'RE FOLLOWING A NARRATIVE OF MARIO THE DELUSIONAL HOMEWRECKER. *cops pull me from operating room*"

"It sucks that bowtie pasta is the only edible formal wear my grocery store carries."

"What's the second fastest thing in the world? > Your asshole pinching shut after dropping a deuce. What's *the* fastest thing in the world? > The ice-cold drop of water that gets in first."