159960

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit? A tortoise."

"*wife and I start having an argument in a crowded restaurant* *she storms out upset* *I follow* Outside: ""DINE AND DASH SUCCESS!"" *high 5*"

"Why do Americans hate sunlight? Because it's yellow and settles on their land too. And it melts snow."

"Sarc... ...It is my second favorite asm. (And nobody fucking fainted)"

"Two antennas get married... The ceremony was ok, But the reception was great!"

"What do boobs and toys have in common? They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them."

"I do this thing where I suddenly become visible to people only when they need me."

"7 dwarves were in a room and they started feeling sleepy. So he left."

"What do you call a pushy asshole potato? A dic-tater."

"Do you know what happens when gay marriage is legalized? BREAKING NEWS: California's drought is over. Water supply flourishing from the tears of the racist, homophobic, and conservative southerners"