85715

Joke of the Day

"There's a spider in my bathroom. I neither can kill it or capture it, so now it has its very own room in my house to raise its spider family"

"How do you know your sister is having her period? When your fathers dick taste like blood."

"Plane turbulence is caused by flying over hot areas, flying over mountains, and you getting up to use the airplane bathroom"

"Son: ""Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?"" Dad: ""Hmm. You are my son. Of that, I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."""

"How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama? One Mississippi."

"Explaining a fountain to a 3rd world country must be weird. 'Yeah we just shoot clean water into the air and throw our extra money into it'."

"The fact that there is even such a thing as ugly hookers tells you pretty much all you need to know about men."

"I told my boss that I'm quitting my job to become a comedian. He said, ""You can't be serious."" I said, ""I know."""

"Text response from a confused carcass: I decay."

"An auk breathes from his ass One day he sits down and dies."