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Joke of the Day

"I saw an infant in the intensive care unit at the hospital... ... quietly playing with a toy donkey. I couldn't help but think: ""ICU baby, shakin' that ass"""

"A bloke in a wheelchair stole my camouflage stuff I told him 'you can hide but you can't run'."

"There's no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know."

"We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year. We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land."

"I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests."

"I'm not high! - high people I'm not drunk! - drunk people I'm not lying! - lying people I'm not gay! - my brother"

"I saw a lady at the gym on the exercise bike, wearing a helmet. So I put on a life jacket and got on the treadmill next to her."

"Look at this fly rubbing his hands together, what is he up to?"

"What do 12 year old mexican girls and born-again christians have in common? They both have a little Jesus in 'em..."

"A Succubus was arrested at a KIA dealership today. She was stealing souls. First time on Reddit! Hey guys!"