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Joke of the Day

"My Lesbian neighbors got me a Timex for my birthday They misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch."""

"If you put your face really close to a neck tattoo & slowly pull away, you can see a hidden design of the unemployment office."

"The past, present, and future walk into a bar.. It was tense."

"Rape isn't funny.. Especially if you're being raped by Dane Cook. Than its totally not funny."

"Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards? A: Because he was sitting on the deck !"

"Buddhist Pizza What kind of pizza does Buddha like? One with everything."

"My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do? Take his bike away."

"*First Date* Her: Hobbies? *thinks about the 50,000 piece Lego Death Star I'm building* Me: Architecture and Astronomy. Her: Impressive."

"I accidentally arrived at work five minutes early today. Speeding CAN be dangerous, kids."

"In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep."