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Joke of the Day

"My Lesbian neighbors got me a Timex for my birthday They misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch."""

"I'm not sure how I feel about people who are missing an arm. On one hand, they're probably nice people..."

"This morning I found out the terrible news about David Bowie, He released a new album."

"What do a dead vibrator and a moving bus have in common? You can't get off."

"Relationship status: Putting aloe on the wall and rubbing against it to apply in places that I can't reach."

"Wanna buy a coffin?! So a guy comes up to me the other day and asked if I wanted to buy a coffin and I said ""That's the last thing I'll ever need."""

"A nerdy pastry chef walks up to the girl he likes and says 'your beauty is infinite. . . . . . . just like Pi.'"

"Each week our panel of 3 celebrity chefs compete to create the ultimate final meal for a death row inmate on LAST SUPPER, this fall on FOX"

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last hit was the wall."

"To sick to work This guy phones in to work, tells his boss he is to sick to come. So the boss says, "" Sorry to hear, how sick are you ? Guy replies, "" Very, I'm in bed with my sister."""