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Joke of the Day
"This morning I found out the terrible news about David Bowie, He released a new album."
Next Joke
"[taking baby's shoes off & examining the soles] ""Oh look, completely clean. It's almost as if you were carried everywhere."""
"I'm white, but not ""tell people that life is beautiful"" white."
"The entire 15 years my wife and I have been married we only had one fight and it's still not over."
"My New Job I told my wife I had a new job in a bowling alley. She said 'Ten pin?' I said 'No, it's permanent'"
"that fuzzy feeling when he puts his arm around u for the first time and then his other arm and then his other arm then u realize HE A SPIDER"
"A termite walks into a bar... Is the bar tender here?"
"[planning heist] LEADER: we can kill the alarm, but how do we get through the concrete wall? *everyone turns to look at the kool-aid man*"
"""Excuse the mess; we had guests,"" I graciously explain, leaving out the ""five months ago"" part."
"saw a chameleon today So it's safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon"