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Joke of the Day

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last hit was the wall."

"What's the difference between Reddit CEO Ellen Pao, and Yoko Ono? .....about 40 years."

"Doctor's Office Visit The doctor asked me how my bowel movements have been lately, I told him very dark. He asked me to describe so I said, ""every time i look into the bowl, it spells out 'DIE'"""

"Was just complaining about Mondays. Then I thought, ""Wow. David Lee Roth would never do that."" So I shut up & finished my breakfast."

"ME: so what do you do GUY: I'm an oral surgeon ME: *imagining him doing heart surgery with just his mouth* wow I bet you're a helluva kisser"

"How do you know when there is a bassist at your door? He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in."

"Every time ""Cops"" comes on I'm like ""PLEASE don't show my episode."""

"I like to walk up to strangers and ask, ""Would you take a photo of me?"" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away."

"Did you know Hitler didn't like to eat meat? He was a vegetaryan."

"I buy vodka alone, people give me the ""Enough Vodka?"" look. I buy vodka with 4 kids, people give me the ""Are you sure that's ENOUGH?"" look."