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Joke of the Day

"Jokes about PMT are like GMT. There's no physical line but there's signs that let you know when you've crossed it."

"I wonder if a ghost has ever watched me masturbate."

"[2:30AM] *it's quite late now. Let's make a call* *Hey Boss, are you sleepin?* [Yes you nerd, why?] *cause I'm still doing your stupid work*"

"if you want your wife to take you seriously, don't throw your sippy cup during an argument"

"fired for ""unleashing rats at work"" which is bull shit first off because they don't make leashes for rats"

"""I hate hashtags!"" Dad screams as he smashes his #1 Dad coffee mug against a wall."

"On Jeopardy This is the largest mammal in the animal kingdom. *leans into mic* ""Who is, your mother?"""

"People r afraid of boogers. I bet u could rob a bank with a booger! Folks in the bank would back up! Police would be puzzled tho: A Bogger?!"

"I let a Jehova's Witness inside the other day and asked him, ""what now?""... He replied, ""I'm not sure, I've never gotten this far before"""

"What's the difference between a white girl and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking when you smack it."