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Joke of the Day

"Hey Hollywood, time to start using a new fake phone number. This 555 bullshit takes me out of the moment every time."

"Do you know why Kim Jong Un executes everyone he doesn't like? Because he doesn't have a Seoul."

"Even though I know its wrong. I don't know whats right... Damn math problems!"

"What happens when a bull and a horse go to a bar? They get BUCKED up!"

"""Let's go through it bit by bit"" Said Jack the Ripper"

"Girl, if you don't stop touching my crotch,... ...you might feel a small prick."

"Sometimes I want to get married just so I can have something sad to tweet about."

"What's a 90's kid's favorite salad? Quinoa & Kale"

"I tried to buy a new boomerang today but I couldn't throw my old one away."

"Flashing my Costco card at the lady at the entrance is the closest I'll ever get to feeling like I'm on the VIP list at the clubs."