91040

Joke of the Day

"I tried to buy a new boomerang today but I couldn't throw my old one away."

"2016 took so many beautiful, talented men I've loved my entire life. Seems unfair that I still have to dodge my ex at the grocery store."

"I learned all I need to know about how to treat my coworkers by watching every Saw movie at least ten times."

"Who knew 20yrs after Debate class I'd apply those skills to present arguments to 7yo on why pasta shapes don't change the taste of pasta."

"Where does Darth Vader go shopping? The Darth mall! haha, funny joke."

"Stevie Wonder walks into a bar... Then a table, then a chair."

"What's the difference between a meeting and a funeral? A funeral is a meeting where you're dead outside as well as in."

"I'm not saying my ex wasn't pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture."

"Capri Sun taught me how to stab with accuracy."

"I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down tweets at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark."