84783

Joke of the Day

"I love raking all the leaves in my yard into a big pile then running really fast and jumping to conclusions when people don't text me back."

"""I woke up like this"" [looks terrible]"

"I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early."

"If you answer the phone and say ""Hello, you're on the air."" most telemarketers will hang up quickly."

"It is WAY TOO EARLY for Christmas music. -people in the year 75 BC"

"*walks into Kinko's* YO I NEED A CAT SCAN ""I'm sorry sir, we don't--"" *opens bag & removes a terrified cat* I ONLY NEED ONE COPY. IN COLOR."

"What can a cup of coffee and a cow that's had an abortion have in common? They're both de-calf-inated."

"A man walks into a bar... The man is now in a serious coma since he was stupid enough not to wear a hardhat in a construction zone."

"What does Tupperware and a walrus have in common? They both like a tight seal!"

"When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?"