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Joke of the Day

"*walks into Kinko's* YO I NEED A CAT SCAN ""I'm sorry sir, we don't--"" *opens bag & removes a terrified cat* I ONLY NEED ONE COPY. IN COLOR."

"[on game show] Choose a door for a goat or a new car ""I'll take door #2"" You've won the car! *sees it's a Kia* ""Can I have the goat instead"""

"What do you use to cover a herpetarium floor? Reptiles."

"What did the fry cook do when he found out he was cooking burger patties made of feces? He flipped a shit."

"What do you call a person with memory problems telling a joke? To get to the other side."

"Aragorn: If I can protect you, I will. You have my sword Legolas: And you have my bow Gimli: and my axe Steve: and my 439 Twitter followers"

"What did the duck say to the avacado? guac guac"

"I hate when I can't remember if my wife and I are in love or fighting. So, I'm like a minesweeper in the mornings."

"The best things in life are free. The second best things are very expensive."

"If women could change one thing about the penis it would be the man."