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Joke of the Day
"does this typewriter come w emojis"
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"Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you just plow thru Uranus because it's all gas. I cannot respond maturely."
"iOS 8 fail."
"The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn't know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry."
"I love it when a girl takes control. Birth control specifically."
"Mom stop you are not funny Son: Mom stop you are not funny, you never make jokes. Mom: I made you."
"My dick is like news... ...because it passes from mouth to mouth."
"""Love me do"" was written by John Lennon... After he got a really nice haircut"
"Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out fires Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out burning ducks"
"For the past couple of years, I have been saying that the only holidays worth celebrating are the equinoxes and the solstices. I find all of the others to be astronomically unimportant."