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Joke of the Day

"what's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? the taste."

"What's the difference between a bus stop filled with old people and a crab with boobs? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!"

"[shows jury picture of gruesome murder scene] *they all gasp* That was my initial reaction too. Those shoes with those pants?"

"If I had to choose one word that encapsulates me, I'd say skin."

"What did one bolt of cloth say to the other bolt of cloth after hurting its feelings? I'm sari."

"9 Clowns in an elevator, one of them silently farts. One leans over to another and wispers...""You smell something funny?""."

"The Harambe memes need to stop It's very de-meme-ing."

"How man hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's an obscure number, your probably never heard of it."

"I went to the funeral of the man who invented the throat lozenge. There was no coffin."

"Still haven't cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different"