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Joke of the Day

"I'm currently writing a musical about diggers trapped in a mine. I think it's gonna be in the key of A-flat minor."

"I only do yoga so I can hold my arms up long enough to get my hair in a ponytail."

"Did you know that 37.8% of all statistics are made up?"

"99% of my socks are single. You don't see them crying about it."

"What did the spice merchant say when someone knocked on his door? Cumin!"

"Still haven't found the manly way to walk across ice."

"I used to steal funny jokes I still do, but I used to, too."

"Fight Club I went to my first fight club meeting last night, I showed up late so I missed the first few rules but it was awesome I love fight club cant wait for the next meeting"

"How do they call women that don't suck dick? They don't call them at all."

"[eharmony] based on your responses, your perfect match is a trashcan.. [me] aww [eharmony] ..full of raccoons [me] omg I love raccoons"