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Joke of the Day

"If you drop your cellphone in water put it in a bowl of rice... It will attract an Asian who will fix it for you. (just heard from buddy of mine)"

"Every time I eat a banana in public, a stranger offers me money to do it in private. I ate 32 bananas today & made $725. I have diarrhea."

"Did you hear about the clairvoyant midget that escaped from jail? He's a small medium at large."

"Yup. If pasta & antipasta ever touch, they annihilate. For your safety, that's why restaurants never serve them together."

"Policewoman: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Driver: Boobs."

"WIFE: He's just so distant lately ME [skywriting]: U N T R U E"

"I honestly never believed that whole story about Lance Armstrong walking on the moon."

"Doctor doctor, I only have 59 seconds to live! Be with you in a minute"

"Why did the stoner take his wife to court? He wanted to get joint custody."

"The sign on the whore house door said, ""Closed, beat it!"""