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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: He's just so distant lately ME [skywriting]: U N T R U E"

"St. Valentine's day Two blondes chat: ""What you gonna do on St. Valentine's day?"" ""What day is it?"" ""Friday."" ""Shepherd's Pie."""

"I'm pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!"

"I told a friend of mine that me and other friends were talking about him behind his back. He told me, ""You disgust me."" And I said, ""Yes. Yes we did."""

"I'm no master of suspense, but..."

"A Canadian walks into a bar has a drink, pays his tab, and leaves."

"Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots."

"I once got diarrhea on a road trip but I went on, undeterred."

"What's a thesaurus's favorite cereal? Synonym Toast Crunch"

"A cheerleader gets up in front of me and says ""2, 4, 6, 8..."" I was like ""don't even!"""