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Joke of the Day

"Friends are like boobs... Some are small, some are big, some are real, some are fake."

"Me: Excited for the dance? 13yo: No, because you and mom will be there. Me: But I've been workin on my twerkin! 13yo: I need new parents."

"Everyone is furious about Trump's greatest crime: Beating a woman"

"[Giving a toast] ""It was when I was entering blackout that I realized I forgot the Plan B at home. Happy 1st birthday, you little accident."""

"My friend got a job as a metronome. I said, is that a regular thing?"

"Wanna hear a joke about Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? I would tell you but its dangerously cheesy."

"A man was complaining to a friend. ""I had it all. Money a beautiful house a BIG car the love of a beautiful woman then POW! it was all gone!"" ""What happened?"" asked the friend. ""My wife found out."""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Baron ! Baron who ? Baron mind who you're talking to !"

"I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred? . . . . . The top ans was . . . . . GET the hell outta of my bathroom!"

"What's the difference between a gorilla and an Italian in the bathtub? The gorilla gets out to shit."