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Joke of the Day

"A man was complaining to a friend. ""I had it all. Money a beautiful house a BIG car the love of a beautiful woman then POW! it was all gone!"" ""What happened?"" asked the friend. ""My wife found out."""

"How can tell your roommate is gay? His dick tastes like shit."

"My girlfriend is ambidextrose she can polish off a box of chocolates with either hand."

"I once asked my friend from New Zealand to count how many girlfriends he's had Shortly after attempting to do so, he fell asleep."

"I don't kill spiders because when spiders become our mutant overlords and eat us, they will look at me and say, ""She's cool. Let her live."""

"If you say ""I knew you were going to say that"" enough. You can start billing people for psychic readings."

"Running out of space for your porn collection? Just download midget porn, it's half the size"

"I don't care if you don't like space puns. I like space puns. Comet me bro."

"If you made a wall hanging out of cheap necklaces bought from the merch tables at small, underground rock concerts... Would you have a Decoration of Indie Pendants?"

"I'm writing this from the hospital Don't worry! The doctors say I'm going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!"