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Joke of the Day

"whats the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead babies? my dick"

"Hey, boy. Are you a Swiss army knife? Because you're a smaller, less effective version of everything I need."

"When I sing with my headphones in I think, ""Why don't I have a record deal?!""...Then I take them out and I know why."

"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down."

"Decks. Because I like to be outdoors, but not like all on the ground and shit."

"How does a space class start a party? They planet!"

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool."

"Password reminder: The hero in second grade who farted instead of saying 'here' during attendance."

"So my girlfriend asked me to make love to her like in the movies.... So I pulled out and busted all over her face....apparantly we don't watch the same movies"

"""WHAT DO WE WANT?!"" ""SELF-CONFIDENCE!"" ""WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!"" *everyone breaks eye contact and starts mumbling*"