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Joke of the Day

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool."

"For a week I've been telling my kid ""If your cough isn't better tomorrow, you're going to the doctor!"" and it finally worked. (She died.)"

"My son just said ""I'm sorry I can't be cute right now, I'm hungry"" and I've never understood him better."

"Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess snails make?"

"Jimmy Kimmel, Justin Beiber and The Burger King walk into a boxing mach..."

"I've got a new aardvark. Would you like to play with him? I don't really know. I've heard it growling it doesn't sound very friendly. Does it bite? That's what I want to find out."

"Why do countries ""cut ties"" when things get tense ? So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties."

"Me: Siri set an alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I want to go to the gym before work. Siri: Lol"

"Stop advertising your relationship on Facebook not everyone wants to see you happy."

"I heard Jewish girls like 8 inches... less 10%."