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Joke of the Day

"my hipster wife is on her way to the hospital with severe burns in her mouth because she tried to to eat my lasagna before it was cool"

"I just sprayed a mosquito... with mosquito repellent. Now he'll never have any friends."

"Before you get into an argument with someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when the argument starts you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."

"What do you call a seamstress who makes things up? A *fabric*ator. It was a slow day at work..."

"It was nice of Microsoft to put their name on Excel after satan created it."

"What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year? Patty O'Furniture"

"Why should I date you? Girl - Give me 1 good reason, why I should date you? Guy - I'll give you 69."

"Lots of people comparing Trump to ISIS and Hitler. Wow. Take it easy, guys! That's not very nice to ISIS or Hitler."

"When I think about it, Gaston really was a peaceable chap... It's a shame. He was a shoe in for the No-Belle prize."

"Last night I watched a great U.S. Olympic Trials semifinal match that featured Sylvester Stallone vs Joey Lawrence in a Pronunciation game."