17428

Joke of the Day

"Why should I date you? Girl - Give me 1 good reason, why I should date you? Guy - I'll give you 69."

"School is like a boner... It's long and hard unless you're Asian"

"Life is like a box of chocolates... It can be a load of shit."

"What is black, white, and red all over? Interracial double penetration"

"[first date] ""You're not into anything weird right?"" -not at all *gestures to my ferret army to fall back*"

"Did you know, that pigeons die when they have sex? At least the one I fucked did."

"I'm watching my neighbor through the blinds, he's so creepy."

"5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That'd wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation"

"Three friends were casually talking. -I bumped into my Russian friend yesterday -Vladislav? -Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!"

"Due to controversies over child labor in China, Apple has recently had to lay off thousands of people due to loss in sales... They fired the kindergarteners and half the first grade."