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Joke of the Day

"Last night I watched a great U.S. Olympic Trials semifinal match that featured Sylvester Stallone vs Joey Lawrence in a Pronunciation game."

"Donald Trump has ridiculous hair, and he squints a lot. If I had his hair, I'd squint too."

"Little Ghost So this little ghost floated by my room twice headed the same direction: left to right, left to right. I'm guessing it was just deja boo."

"I had the left side of my body cut off... But I'm all right. EDIT: I just realize that whether the left was cut from the right or the right from the left is a matter of sincere argument."

"If anyone thinks I'm a homophobe they can suck my dick. Unless they're a man, because that's unnatural."

"Your honor, if you watch the tape in reverse you can clearly see the officer planting the evidence in my vehicle."

"eer booze and fun!' 'WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember)."

"If you were receiving a shipment of very rare, very special insects, would it be... Import Ant"

"Japanese gardener gets tired of being bossed around by homeowner You think he say ""Leaf me alone"", but he say ""Fuck you, homeowner, fuck you..."""

"My teeth are so white I could use them to help land a plane and still no boyfriend. I'm beginning to think TV ads lie."