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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna create chaos in my neighborhood by putting giant bows on all the cars the night before Christmas."

"My son said he wanted to get into organized crime when he grew up. ""Government or private sector?"""

"If eye fucking is a thing, my husband probably has opthalmic herpes from Haley at the burrito store."

"I have a Chinese friend with really bad internet His name is Hai Ping"

"How do you tell the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized."

"I'm the guy in the meeting giving coworkers the throat slash motion when the boss says ""Anybody have anything else 2 add before we adjourn?"""

"Me: I love you Him: you just drank 1/4 of your beer through your nostril Me: that is also true"

"What happened when the Italian Chef Died He Pasta Way"

"My friend is so easy to manipulate... I once convinced him to go to the hospital by putting a piece of glass in his neck. ^Apologies ^to ^American ^Dad!"

"Did you hear about that guy who had his whole left side amputated? Yeah he's all right now"