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Joke of the Day

"My son said he wanted to get into organized crime when he grew up. ""Government or private sector?"""

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"Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better."
"What does Salvador Dali eat for breakfast? Milk and Surreal."
"Facebook friend: If you can't handle me at my worst, then you- SHUT UP, SHANNON. YOU'RE *ALWAYS* AT YOUR WORST."
"Me: *wakes up screaming* Wife: What's wrong? Me: Nightmare with the Microsoft Word Paperclip Helper again Wife: Need some help? Me: AHHH"
"I dropped my glasses in the toilet today. Now everything looks like shit."
"Why is a giraffes neck so long? Because its head it so far away from its body"
"The Six States of Matter Solid Liquid Gas Plasma Bose-Einstein Condensate Black Lives"
"""I don't understand swimming. You don't see fish going for a walk."""
"What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells Jungle bells.. !"